I had a great day socially. It was peaceful, and my friends were good to me. In terms of calories however…big failure. Got to get down to 219 by Sunday. I have to want this more than anything.

Today:     Calories: 1953      Fat: 110.3

Weight: 223 pounds      73 to go

Wow what a day of eating. I’m happy that I’m still being vigilent about counting calories. But today when I got up still full of cold, I decided (reasoned) that maybe I needed a little fat to get the old immune system going. I know….the things we tell ourselves to rationalize….. So I cooked with margarine, had big portions and even had fries at dinner time. Right now , for the next two weeks anyway I’m in a position where I can sit around all day, not working or doing anything…so its easy to not eat and take a nap if I feel weak. But I won’t always have that luxury, unfortunatly.

Today:   Calories: 1634   Fat: 75.2 grams (yikes!)

Weight: I didn’t even bother getting on the scale today

Got my job back at the call center today. My friend says they’ll hire anyone with a pulse and I think he’s right. I passed in a resume that was pink and scented…just to see if I could get away with it and I was re-hired on the spot. As for calories today I avoided meals like the plague and subsisted on small snacks to keep hunger pains at bay. Very angry that the scale has gone back up to 226….I cant imagine how or where that weight came from as I’m doing all that I can. Also learning not to use food as a deterent for doing things that need to be done, like tackling my “people I need to e-mail” list. All in all a good day. I’ve been making a game out of lowering my “average calories” on Prevention.com

Today: Calories: 1004 Fat: 12.6

226 pounds….. 76to go

Its the handful of chips I put back into the bag, the extra teaspoon of margarine I don’t use on my bread….those little changes that are making a big change in my diet, simply by paying attention to what calories and fat I consume. I haven’t lost a pound in the last couple days and I haven’t been doing my exercise….but I’ve had a cold. I’m doing fine as long as I get right back into my routine when this cold is over.

Today:     Calories: 1478     Fat: 33.5 grams

224 pounds……. 74 to go

Tonight I felt driven to stay home and keep to myself, which is unlike me. I haven’t spent an entire evening at home in a long time let alone a Saturday. Although I treasure my friends dearly, I felt bombarded all day by negativity. People I care about, calling me to complain about other people I care about.  I didn’t particularly over eat but binged on alcohol last night which had my calories for the day way up.  As long as I get down to 219 by the 20th Im happy

Today:       Calories: 2307    Fat: 48.8 grams

223 pounds…..      73 to go

Today was ultimately successful. I stayed under 1000 calories with ease, although I’m planning to consume about another 1000 calories worth of alcohol tonight….at this point when all I can afford is jacking a bottle of booze here and there from my parents liquer cabinet its hard to choose anything thats exactly diet friendly. But I take comfort in knowing at the end of the night I will still have consumed far fewer calories then I would normally have and waaay less fat. I felt so light flying around the track today on my walk. Things are definetly looking up, as long as I don’t take my work too seriously (if I get the job at Resolve) and dont fall back into my old habits of emotionally eating and being a slave to the vending machine.

Today: Calories: 957 Fat: 7.6 grams

222 Pounds  ….  72 to go

Today I managed to stay well within my calorie/fat range. I was sick though so didn’t do any excercise. I’ve been getting a lot of both positive and negative reactions about my new hardcore attitude towards reaching my goal. Some I think is just jealousy because I’m finally doing it. I’m at a point now where when I see people around me eating I just feel sorry for them, putting all that crap into their bodies. But I cant be too cocky…after all that was and sometimes still is…..me.

Today: Calories: 1066 Fat: 24.6 grams

225.1 Pounds   …. 75 more to go

I surprised myself by bouncing back from the Christmas feasting with not much lost…or should I say, gained. By January 3rd I managed to crack down and start restricting, bringing me to 228 pounds (only a 1 pound gain after a week long free for all) and trying to stay under 1000 calories. My friend balked at the extremity of that but at 228 pounds its hard for me to get concerned about causing harm to myself by under eating. Even if I was average weight I believe I would still feel the same way though, and it doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m going to try a fruit fast for the next three days…its going to be rough but I need the push to move from a regular toxin filled diet to a cleaner one. I’m sure I will be hungry but I believe I can do it and it will be for the greater good. As they say, stay strong….starve on.

Todays total:  Calories: 1574 Fat: 50 grams

Ah the trials of trying to dress sexy when your fat. You cant just go bare…because unlike a thin person theres a line between whats sexy and just gross. Thin people often simply need to wear tight clothes and show skin to look hot, fat people like myself need to tuck, stretch, smooth,pull and pretty much create an optical illusion of an outfit to even come close to looking as good as our thinner friends. Wearing head to toe black is an old stand by and if you can even spin it into a dramatic look instead of an “I’m just fat and don’t want people to notice” look, your golden. I always prefer skirts to pants but as you can see in this picture, the pants outfit looks much more slimming, much to my dismay. But…when I’ve lost some more weight I will have earned my right to wear the skirt. I’m 227.8 today by the way. Doing well.

Due to consuming a few bottles of sugar free flavored water (which always gives me the shits) I made it down to 228 on the scale today. I know it may be water weiht getting flushed out but still…228 y’all. I havent seen that number for a while on the scale!